Embracing Your Feelings: A Path to Healing Shame
It is easy to assume that to heal shame, we must think differently or replace the emotion with something more positive. Yet the real transformation begins when we allow the feeling to be felt. The body holds the story that the mind avoids. When we bring attention to it, we create space for release rather than resistance.
Checking In with Yourself
The practice of checking in with yourself is simple, but it requires honesty. It means pausing and turning inward to ask: What am I feeling right now? Where do I sense it in my body? What might this feeling be trying to tell me?
You might notice a sense of heaviness, restlessness, or numbness. The key is not to judge it. Each sensation is an expression of your emotional state, and acknowledging it invites connection rather than avoidance.
Here is one way to practise self check-in:
Find a quiet space where you can be undisturbed.
Close your eyes or lower your gaze and take a few slow breaths.
Gently bring your attention to your body. Notice any areas that feel tight or heavy.
Ask yourself, “What is happening inside me right now?”
Wait for a response without trying to control it.
At first, you might only sense a vague discomfort or a general feeling of unease. That is enough. By giving attention to your inner world, you are sending a message of safety to your body. It begins to learn that your feelings are welcome.
This simple act of checking in regularly throughout the day allows you to reconnect with yourself. It interrupts the automatic patterns that often accompany shame, such as self-criticism or withdrawal.
The Power of Emotional Validation
Shame often arises when an emotion is met with rejection or dismissal, either from others or from within. When you were younger, you might have been told to stop crying, to be strong, or to calm down. Over time, this can create an internal belief that certain emotions are wrong or too much.
Emotional validation is the opposite of that. It means acknowledging your feelings as real and understandable, even if they are uncomfortable. It is telling yourself, “It makes sense that I feel this way.”
When you validate your feelings, you start to dismantle the internal structures that maintain shame. You stop fighting with your experience and begin to relate to it with gentleness.
For example, if you feel shame after an argument, instead of saying, “I shouldn't feel like this,” you can try, “I feel hurt and embarrassed, and that is understandable.” This simple shift allows the nervous system to relax. It opens a pathway for self-compassion.
Validation is recognition. It allows the emotion to complete its natural cycle rather than remaining trapped.
Start With Your Feelings
To be with your feelings is to allow them to exist without trying to change them. It is the practice of staying present with whatever is happening inside you.
Sit with the feeling. Breathe with it. Listen to it. The moment you stop running, the feeling begins to soften.
Staying with your feelings is saying, “I will not abandon myself.” This is especially powerful when dealing with shame, because shame thrives in isolation. When you stay, you start to break that cycle.
You might notice that when you allow yourself to feel, the body begins to release. Tears might come, or your breathing might deepen. You might feel warmth in your chest or a sense of spaciousness. These are signs of integration.
Embracing your feelings doesn't mean getting lost in them. It means creating enough presence to hold them with awareness. You are not the feeling; you are the awareness that witnesses it.
Practical Tools for Emotional Connection
Here are some gentle tools that can support you in embracing your emotions and healing shame:
1. Journaling as a mirror
Writing helps you externalise what is happening inside you. Start by describing how you feel in your body and what situations tend to trigger those sensations. Allow the words to flow without editing. Sometimes, what you write will surprise you.
It is about letting what is unspoken become seen.
2. Grounding through breath
When shame feels overwhelming, bring your attention to your breath. Notice the air entering and leaving your body. Feel the support of the ground beneath you. Breathing with awareness helps you return to the present moment, where safety can be restored.
3. Gentle movement
Shame can cause the body to contract. Gentle movements such as stretching, walking, or shaking the hands and legs can help release this tension. Movement signals to the body that it is safe to open again.
4. Self-soothing touch
Place a hand over your heart or your abdomen and notice the warmth of your touch. This simple act can calm the nervous system. It reminds you that you are not alone; you are here with yourself.
5. Speak to yourself kindly
The inner dialogue often mirrors early experiences of shame. Notice how you speak to yourself. Replace self-judgement with understanding. Instead of saying, “I should have done better,” try, “I did the best I could with what I knew.”
These tools are not about removing shame instantly but about building a relationship with yourself where shame no longer defines you.
The Healing Power of Presence
Presence is the foundation of emotional healing. When you are present with what you feel, you bring light to what was hidden. You stop running from your own experience.
Presence allows you to witness your emotions without becoming them. You notice the tightness, the thought, the memory, but you also sense the stillness that exists beneath all of it. That stillness is your true home.
Healing shame is about remembering that you are already whole. The emotions that arise are messengers pointing you back to yourself. When you meet them with presence, you start to live from authenticity rather than fear.
From Resistance to Compassion
Every time you choose to feel rather than flee, you rewrite your internal story. You teach your nervous system that it is safe to exist as you are. Compassion becomes the bridge that replaces resistance.
This is not a quick process. It unfolds gradually as you learn to trust your own presence. You start to notice that even when shame arises, it doesn't control you anymore. You can witness it, breathe with it, and stay open.
The more you practise this, the more natural it becomes. Shame begins to dissolve not because you have forced it away, but because you have given it space to be seen.
The Quiet Freedom of Acceptance
When you embrace your feelings as they are, something shifts inside. You no longer see your emotions as problems to be solved but as expressions of your humanity. You realise that your feelings were never your enemy; they were guides calling you home.