Make Peace with Your Inner Critic: Practical Steps to Self-Compassion
In the stories I listen to, I notice how difficulty finding joy and satisfaction in life is often connected to the words we tell ourselves.
Thoughts such as "Why did you do that?" "You are a bad person" "No one wants to talk to you" "You are not good enough" "Nobody cares about you" "Nobody loves you" "You will never achieve anything in life" can shape how we feel and act.
That negative voice inside our heads that judges, criticises, or demeans us is known as our inner critic. It plays a powerful role in how we see ourselves and influences our emotional life, behaviour, and sense of self-worth.
Origins of the Inner Critic
The inner critic often originates from childhood experiences where we observed or experienced criticism or unpleasant attitudes towards ourselves or people close to us. Over time, we unintentionally internalise these patterns, adopting negative opinions about ourselves.
If we fail to recognise how the inner critic affects our lives, we allow it to influence behaviour, limit our achievements, and affect our relationships. This can keep us from living the life we desire and from becoming the person we aspire to be.
Sometimes it is difficult to deal with the inner critic, or we may not know how to respond, leading to feelings of shame, self-doubt, and frustration. When the inner critic dominates our thoughts, it can prevent us from loving ourselves and achieving our full potential.
Even though our thoughts influence our behaviour, it is important to remember that these thoughts are not always accurate reflections of reality.
How to Deal with Your Inner Critic
Become aware of your thoughts. When negative thoughts arise, acknowledge them. Try to understand their origin and impact on your behaviour. Ask yourself questions such as:
Why do I feel this way?
What patterns do I notice?
Where do these thoughts come from?
How do these thoughts influence my behaviour?
Acknowledge your inner critic. Having an inner critic is a natural human function. It comes from parts of the brain that evolved to protect ourselves. Speak to your inner critic:
"Why are you being so negative?"
"Where is this coming from?"
"Is what you are saying true? Am I really unlovable?"
"Am I really not good enough?"
By questioning your inner critic, you can begin to separate facts from feelings and consider more positive perspectives.
Offer yourself the advice you would give a friend. Often, we are harsher on ourselves than we would be on others. Imagine a friend faced with the same situation—what guidance would you offer them?
Practice self-acceptance and self-compassion. Once you recognise that the inner critic’s words are not facts, you can replace them with accepting and compassionate thoughts. Develop empowering beliefs to counter negative self-talk.
Write down positive thoughts. When your inner critic appears, note what it says and how you can challenge it. Focus on your strengths, talents, and times when others have recognised your achievements.
Record moments when people have said positive things about you.
Reflect on your personal strengths and accomplishments.
Your inner critic does not have to control your life. Making peace with it allows you to cultivate a supportive inner dialogue, enabling personal growth, emotional resilience, and self-empowerment.