Masking, ADHD, and The Strategies We Learn Without Realising

A few weeks ago I was diagnosed with ADHD. The diagnosis made me look back at my life with a different kind of curiosity. Certain things that I always thought were simply “my personality” started to make more sense, especially the little strategies I have been using since childhood to navigate school, work, and social situations.

One of those strategies is something many people with ADHD learn early, often without realising it.

Masking.

What masking is:

Masking is when someone learns to hide or manage parts of themselves in order to appear more organised, calmer, or more focused than they actually feel inside.

It usually develops gradually. You notice that certain behaviours attract criticism. You notice that other people seem to do things differently. So you start adjusting yourself. You watch, you copy, and you correct yourself.

Over time it becomes automatic. Many adults only recognise it years later, sometimes after receiving a diagnosis.

Looking back at childhood

When I think back to school, I can see how many little adjustments were already there. Trying very hard to sit still. Watching other children to see how they behaved. Trying to slow down when speaking because I had already been told I talked too fast.

Sometimes masking looks like being very quiet. Not because you have nothing to say, but because you are constantly monitoring yourself.

Is this the right moment to speak?
Am I interrupting?
Am I talking too much?

Other times masking looks like the opposite. Working extremely hard to appear organised. Lists everywhere, multiple reminders, checking things again and again because the idea of forgetting something feels unbearable.

From the outside it can look like someone who is very responsible. Inside it can feel like running several mental tabs at the same time.

Small everyday examples

Many people with ADHD recognise these kinds of moments. Nodding during a conversation even though your mind drifted away for a while. Replaying something someone said because you realised you missed part of it. Holding your body still in a meeting while your foot is moving under the table. Practising what you want to say before speaking so you don’t lose the thread. Laughing when everyone else laughs even though you didn’t quite catch the whole story.

None of these things look unusual from the outside, but they can require a surprising amount of effort.

Small talk versus real conversations

Another thing that has always been a struggle for me is small talk.

Polite conversations about the weather or standing in a group where everyone is talking but nothing feels particularly meaningful to me. In those situations my attention drifts very quickly. It is difficult to stay engaged in something that feels repetitive or superficial.

But the experience changes completely when the conversation moves into something deeper.

When someone talks about what they are going through.
When emotions appear in the room.
When the conversation becomes honest.

That is where my attention comes alive.

In therapy sessions with my clients I am fully present. I listen closely. I notice shifts in tone, pauses in speech, and small changes in body language. My attention doesn’t wander. Hours can pass like that without effort.

This makes me wonder whether, for other people with ADHD, the difficulty is not always attention itself. Sometimes it is the type of conversation.

Small talk asks you to maintain interest in something that doesn’t naturally stimulate curiosity. Deeper conversations contain nuance, emotion, and meaning. That is exactly where my focus seems to settle.

Sleep and energy

Another thing that started to make more sense after my diagnosis is sleep.

For as long as I can remember I rarely sleep more than about 5 to 6 hours a night. It has always been like that, and strangely, most of the time I don’t feel particularly tired.

If I spend a day doing things that engage my mind, reading, thinking, having meaningful conversations, working with clients, I feel mentally active and alert even with very little sleep.

The moments when I actually feel tired are different ones. Long days filled with small talk, social interactions that feel superficial, or environments where I have to constantly monitor myself tend to drain me much more quickly.

Those situations seem to use a different kind of energy.

It made me realise that tiredness for me is not always connected to how many hours I sleep. Sometimes it is connected to how much mental effort I am using to stay engaged in situations that don’t naturally hold my attention.

Why masking develops

Children with ADHD often receive a lot of feedback about their behaviour. Being too loud, too distracted, too impatient, or too energetic.

So they adjust.

Masking becomes a way of fitting into environments that expect a very particular way of behaving, especially in school, classrooms, and group settings. It helps avoid criticism and conflict.

But it can also mean that the ADHD itself becomes difficult to see.

Teachers might see a quiet student who tries very hard; colleagues might see someone organised and capable, meanwhile a lot of energy is going into maintaining that appearance.

The hidden cost

Masking can be useful. It helps people navigate situations where certain behaviours are expected. But doing it constantly can also be exhausting.

When you spend years adjusting how you appear, it can become difficult to recognise what actually feels natural for you.

Receiving a diagnosis can suddenly bring many of those patterns into focus.

For me it has been interesting to notice how many systems I built over the years. The reminders, the structure, the constant checking. They were ways of keeping everything running.

And while learning more about ADHD, I decided to look at the positives of ADHD.

I call them ADHD superpowers.

ADHD can create real difficulties, but certain patterns of thinking can become strengths in the right situations. Here are 5 that I recognise.

Calm in a crisis

Many people with ADHD function very well in urgent situations. When something sudden happens and others feel overwhelmed, the ADHD brain can become clear and focused. It is almost as if the level of stimulation suddenly matches what the brain needs.

The difficulty often appears in the opposite situation. Quiet tasks, slow meetings, or very repetitive work can feel much harder.

Creative problem solving

Living with ADHD often means constantly adapting. You forget things, you lose track of time, and traditional systems don't always work.

So you invent your own systems. Different shortcuts, different ways of organising things, and different ways of approaching problems. Over time that constant adaptation can strengthen creativity.

Strong intuition

Many people with ADHD notice subtle things very quickly. Tone of voice, body language, or changes in the atmosphere of a room.

Part of this may come from taking in a large amount of sensory information at once. Sometimes that can feel overwhelming, but other times it can translate into a strong sense of intuition about what is happening around you.

Quick to act

Some people prefer to analyse something for a long time before starting. Many people with ADHD start differently. They start, experiment, and adjust while doing it.

This approach doesn't always produce the neatest plan, but it can move things forward quickly.

Deep focus

ADHD is often associated with distraction, but there is another side to it.

When something genuinely captures your interest, focus can become extremely intense. Hours pass without noticing and you become fully absorbed in what you are doing.

The challenge is not focusing. The challenge is directing that focus toward the right task.

Learning more about the mind

Another thing that makes sense when I look at my life is how naturally drawn I have always been to learning about the mind and the body.

When something captures my interest, my focus becomes very strong. I can spend hours reading, studying, and exploring ideas without noticing the time passing.

Psychology, emotions, and the connection between mind and body have always been areas that hold my attention deeply. In many ways that curiosity is what led me into therapy work.

After receiving my ADHD diagnosis I decided to explore this area even further. I recently started a course in ADHD coaching. Part of the reason is to understand myself better, but also to learn how to support others who might be navigating similar experiences.

The more I learn, the more I realise how many people reach adulthood without recognising the patterns that have been present in their lives for years.

A final thought

Receiving an ADHD diagnosis as an adult can bring many reflections.

For me one of the most interesting parts has been recognising the strategies I developed without even knowing it. Masking was one of them. It helped me navigate situations where I felt different.

Now the difference is that I can notice when I am doing it, and that awareness changes the experience.

If you have ADHD, what strategies did you develop growing up without realising it?